The first few weeks of med school have been sort of busy (kind of a lie, but I’ll go into that later), although that’s not really the reason why not to blog. Mostly the reason is that as much as I’m a go-with-your intuition kind of writer (you’re never going to see as many data/citations as with C), new situations means that I’m often vacillating as to how I feel or think. Here are just some thoughts:
- Med school is like being premed with a sick twist: the pass/fail (at C and my schools) makes it, in my opinion, a different playing field. On one hand, it means that other things are much more important: research for example. On the other hand, we still need to do well on Step 1. I’ve been a little surprised that many people (maybe me included? I’m not sure) have a really hard time adapting to this. By all reasoning, we should be a little more lax in our study schedules as not everything we are supposed to know for tests will be high yield for Step 1. Moreover, we’re not likely to retain all this anyways. And yet people are very very unnerved by not knowing everything – not feeling like they’re going to ace the test or at least do above the mean. (I was never the type to review lecture notes after class during college, and was really surprised that such people actually exist! Figures I would meet them in med school though.) The game has changed, and I have been trying to adjust to that why I’m writing this now rather than studying for my biochem final on Friday. But that has only made me more anxious about finding a lab (see 2 and 3).
- I have a lot of free time. First year in my program gives us tons of free time. Some people choose to spend all that time studying. I am currently spending it being anxious (see 3), hyper-energetic (went out more and harder than I had ever gone in my life in the first 3 weeks of med school – bars/clubs every day of the week for 1.5 weeks straight), or just bored (watching TV shows every day), frantically setting up opportunities to shadow. Perhaps this excess of free time will stop, come anatomy and when I join a lab.
- Thinking about residency makes me bat-shit crazy anxious. As I’ve only in the last couple of month decided I am much more interested in surgery and subsurgical specialties than I had thought, this has made me sad about how damn hard it is to match into good residency programs. People make it sound like a fifth year is necessary for competitive specialties and that makes C and me sad because it means more time apart, and maybe not matching in the same year. Also, 2 of the specialties I am a bit interested in are early-match and so that would mean no couple’s matching. Given that C and I are very research oriented, I’ve had to think about this a lot as I feel some pressure to choose a specialty now to start research in it. I will probably look back on this and laugh my ass off in third year when I do a 180* and choose something totally different.
- It has been interesting to go to a different school than C. In some ways it has been a little lonely but in many other ways it has been very, very exciting and positive. Other than the getting used to not having a “family unit” to retreat to every day, it has been wonderful because we can do similar things at two different institutions and talk about them. We can be involved in the same extracurricular groups at two different schools, for example. However, this experience has also so far reverted me back to freshman year of college – looking up at C and wondering how I will keep up. He’s always so ahead of the game at the start, and I feel like I’m always scrambling to keep up: in terms of deciding on a field that I’m interested in, getting involved with extracurriculars, etc. But that’s just in his personality to be excited about the future. I suppose that is how he has always made me a better student.